You’ve probably seen one of the many posts around telling you how being a Mum is like doing X amount of different jobs, the posts putting a salary value to being Mum.
Of course it’s a role and not a job, something for me which was chosen, wanted, and at times before the kids were born a dream I thought would never happen due to recurrent miscarriages.
I absolutely LOVE my kids for every second of every day. I love them when they are nice and even when they are throwing a tantrum. When they are cuddly and when they are screaming “I hate you” and slamming doors.
I’m their mum and I will always love them.
I don’t always have to LIKE them though.
I don’t like the tantrums
I don’t like being screamed at
I don’t like arguments
But I LOVE them
We work through the good and the bad equally.
It’s what being a parent means. It’s being there for them when they need you most and even when they don’t.
There are times when they push me away and tell me I’m the worst parent in the world – usually when my answer to something has been NO, or they’ve been asked to turn off the TV, have a bath or do their homework.
It’s times like those when I sometimes begin to believe I am the worst parent in the world, these are the times I have to take 10 minutes to myself – lock myself in the bathroom, close the kitchen door or even lock myself in the garden – for those 10 minutes I am free, I am me again and we can all calm down, unwind and forget.
I think those 10 minutes (more often than not it’s less) are needed – people are like kettles, fill them up too much and press boil and they will over flow and erupt.
Taking time out to help defuse a situation is helpful for us, the shouting stops, cross words cease and we can all take a deep breath and start a fresh.
I try my hardest not to revisit a situation once it is defused – if I have told them off previously there is no point re-telling them an hour later or the next day, once defused it’s forgotten and we all move on.
Our household has been a huge mix of emotions for the past 2 months, with the passing of My Nan and then having to say goodbye to Barney our family dog of almost 15 years – I am struggling to cope with how I feel about these things so it’s not surprising that the children, at only 5 and 8 years old are struggling too. They can’t express their thoughts clearly and their tears overflow, they then feel bad they keep crying even though we’ve told them it’s OK.
Their nights are disturbed by bad dreams again and they need comfort and reassuring.
I love my children dearly but boy do I crave those 10 minutes to myself when I am free.
The 10 minutes I have to myself:
- in the shower before the kids wake up
- walking home from school having dropped them off for the day
- walking to school before picking them up again
- climbing into bed at night before dropping off to sleep (granted this is rare as Emmy hates sleeping)
- immediately after asking the kids to help with a job (they scatter and are suddenly detangled from my legs and no-where to be found)
- running their bath – they flee
Do you have 10 minutes where you are completely alone and not being parent, cook, cleaner, first aider and the other million and one roles we do as a parent?