They say time is a healer, well to some extent that’s true.
It’s fast approaching a year now since the children lost their Nanny and of course my husband lost his Mum.
The tears are less now but they are still there.
Emmy’s nightmares have continued, although they are not as frequent as they once were and the changed behaviours still remain.
It’s the little things which trigger most: a sound, a smell or place.
They bring back happy memories and that’s when we miss you most
Emmy seems to still be struggling, she was crying nearly every night, and when she is poorly or tired cries for Nanny. Thankfully it’s not as frequent now but when she is very tired the tears flow and they keep coming for us all. We don’t want her to be afraid to cry around us if she is sad, and we want the children to always talk about their Nanny
It is hard however as every time we do it upsets them both and they cry for her, which of course makes us cry all over again
We worked closely with the school last year as Emmy was suffering, she wasn’t sleeping and would burst into tears at school, she barely ate and worried every time we left her anywhere that we wouldn’t be coming back
They recommended a few books which we read to both children
Water Bugs and Dragonflies * – Explaining death to young children
The Elephant in the room * – A children’s book for grief and loss
Helping with Grief and Loss – HealthGuide.org
Helping children cope with death – Journeyofhearts.org
Coping with bereavement – www.nhs.uk
Counselling was also talked about and we did look around for a few who had a Diploma of Counselling and were recommended a few local to us but it isn’t something we went any further with.
We also named a star after her for which Paul printed off copies of the certificate and coordinates for all family members to keep. We always wish upon Nanny’s star and seek it out – the children know which is hers as it is the brightest one in the sky
Grief totally sucks!
It is impossible to know how to deal with it, what the best course of action is and every little thing can bring you crashing down once again
Harry can be playing happily then fall into our arms crying that he misses Nanny
Paul still has very vivid dreams that his Mum is watching over him or is in the room. Sometimes while awake he will feel her presence or smell her perfume. Which, of course, is always very reassuring and he knows she is always there with him.
I have been cooking and been overwhelmed with the smell of her perfume, not a fragrance I wear myself, this smell then changed to onions and then disappeared. I was cooking pasties – a meal she taught me to cook and was making some for Paul’s Brother and Dad and was in the process on folding over the pastry for his Dad’s one when this happened. I hadn’t added any onions as Paul hates them but his Dad always has them in his.
Now I have no explanation for this at all, it certainly wasn’t imagined. I’ve never been a believer in any of these occurrences but I know I wasn’t alone on that day.
It is reassuring to think we aren’t alone after a passing, it isn’t goodbye just a see you another day.
Emmy has said she likes to think Nanny is cuddling her when she cries and I think she is too.
This week would have been her 61st birthday and because of this our emotions are all over the place, currently, we are all very highly strung and can be found in a crumpled heap without any warning.
We are all heartbroken to be planning a birthday celebration without the most important person present but deep down in our hearts we know she will be shining on us all and we are planning to do her proud. There will be bubbles, balloons, corks popping, cake and laughter because she wouldn’t have wanted it any other way.
Always the life and soul of any party and that won’t change.
How do you mend a broken heart?
Quite simply you can’t. It is broken for a reason and while the huge bandages you wear around yourself start to be removed and the plasters taken from the open wounds; the scars will remain because they are your memories and they will never fade nor would you want them to.
As a side note, can I please urge you all to consider appointing a medical power of attorney for your loved ones, you can find out why this is SO important and how to do this in this very personal post here.
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