I love opening up this blog to others when I am having a very busy period and won’t be around for a few days, it’s a fantastic way of introducing you my lovely readers to blogs you may not have come across yet and showcasing some of their writing. This weekend I have a family wedding to go to and of course with these big events the lead up to it is almost as busy as the actual day, so with dresses and suits to iron, nails to paint and my hair to re-dye I am passing you over to the lovely Beth who blogs over at Twinderelmo.
Beth is a busy Mum in her 30’s based in Shropshire, near the Midlands. She lives with her husband, son and identical twin daughters. she is a stay at home mum blogging her way through her crazy and hectic days.
Over to Beth talking Mummy guilt and asking for help:
“It’s a common theme between my husband and I that I just hate asking for help. In fact I really don’t like asking for things in general. When I took voluntary redundancy during my maternity leave I never envisaged how hard it would be financially. I never ever intended to be a stay at home Mom. I know that may sound quite awful but I always felt like I would HAVE to work. I was incredibly fortunate that my Mom provided all my childchild cost, fuss and hassle free. She absolutely adored looking after Charlie and when that dropped to just mornings when he started nursery she was the first to admit she really missed having him all day. But as I’m sure you’re aware her health meant that three months into my maternity leave that her looking after Charlie and now the twins that this was not going to be possible which I know absolutely devastated her. This coupled with the prospect that my job which was 2 minutes down the road which I had fought so hard to be relocated there was no longer actually going to be there; it was to be moved 30 minutes away so my child friendly 9-3 hours to enable me to drop off and pick up Charlie from school would be thwarted as I’d be leaving at 8.30am and getting back into town at 3.30pm – missing both drop offs. We looked into the cost of childcare but that couple with petrol costs meant that with my reduced hours I’d fall into the category of working to pay childcare.
It was extremely daunting to leave the job I had gone to after leaving college, undertaken my degree as part of my job and worked as for 8 years but at the same time I was excited to be able to be with my babies and provide them all the care and support they need. I feel incredibly lucky to be a stay at home Mom but at the same time I struggle to be financially dependant on my husband. I have always had my own money and having to ask makes me feel somewhat embarrassed.
The girls have started going to nursery on a Friday morning so it has eased the pressure so I can get my errands done in those three hours but I look back and can’t quite believe how reluctant I’ve been to ask for help. Is it a blow to the old ego to admit that you need help when your husband works away during the week? Can I not bear to throw in the towel and say I need a break? I think I have the mantra that they’re my kids so my responsibility. Of course they are but surely a bit of help here and there isn’t going to make me any less of a parent?
We are expected to do it all when you have it all. I’ve been a parent for nearly seven and a half years and I like to think I’ve done an ok job so far – but I still feel like I’m getting it wrong most of the time. Feel guilty for being away from them but guilty for smothering them and causing boredom. When are we going to accept that help is a necessary part of healthy parenting and it actually can make you a happier and better parent.
I recently started to ask for more help and began reclaiming a little freedom and time away from the kids, my parents have had them over night and so has my father-in-law and it is actually nice to regain a little time back. I do love my children dearly however there are times you have to ask for a little help.