When having a baby just isn’t as straight forward as you’d hope

If you have been here for a long time you’ll have seen me talk about this subject a number of times before, it’s something we assume will be straight forward but sadly for many, it is far from it.

Growing up we are all given those talks at school, we know we could get pregnant from the first time we have sex, we are taught about careful sex, relationships, protection, STI’s, pregnancies and even abortions but we are never taught that for many pregnancy is hard, we aren’t told about miscarriages, infertility or any other complications because lets face it, it isn’t appropriate or necessary at that age.

Making that decision to start a family is a very huge leap for any couple, so to be left with so many questions when trying for a baby is difficult. The hope each month as your period is due then doesn’t come, the testing and then the disappointment can very quickly take its toll on both of you. You begin to question if there is a health issue which is preventing pregnancy, you wonder if you’ve left it too late, you partied too hard or smoked too much, ate the wrong foods etc.

From personal experience, it can soon become all consuming. Before I had Emmy I had 3 miscarriages – I fell pregnant very easily the first time, in fact, I was on the contraceptive pill but it wasn’t to be, the 2nd was after we were married and it didn’t take long at all to fall pregnant but at just over 6 weeks I miscarried, then again a 3rd time only my body didn’t recognise my baby had died and I went to my 12 week scan believing I was still pregnant and all was fine – I had had 2 previous scans and seen a heartbeat on the last one at 8.5 weeks. My babies heart stopped beating around 9 weeks.

I had a wonderful consultant and when I fell pregnant for the 4th time I was under his care, it did take some time to fall pregnant again and I was beginning to lose hope and we did discuss the various options with him and both Paul and I had numerous tests.

Thankfully I went on to have a successful pregnancy, followed by another 2 miscarriages before Harry arrived safely completing our family.

I do have friends however who have subsequently struggled to have children without help. When I had my miscarriages I signed up to many forums looking for answers, to see if there was advice on changing my diet, vitamins to take and anything I could do to avoid it happening again. When things like this happen we just want answers but they aren’t always there or readily available.

Searching around can be difficult but one thing I did discover during this time is I wasn’t alone. During the darkest times, it did feel that way but there was always someone at the end of the forum to chat with, and it was these ladies who pulled me out of the hardest and darkest time of my life. They saved me and I still chat with them over 9 years on.

They each have a different experience, some had children then miscarried numerous times, others miscarried then had children, others had children but then subsequently found they needed to undergo IVF treatment after suffering secondary infertility.

I’ve shared with you previously a guest post on IVF from a wonderful lady Jo. Jo and her husband ended up selling their home to fund their IVF after numerous miscarriages, it was a very hard journey for them, not working immediately but they didn’t give up hope and their son Max was well worth the pain and heartache – you can read Jo’s story for yourself – My journey to motherhood part 1 by Jo and then the second part can be found here.

Monitor showing intra cytoplasmic sperm injection

Choosing where to have IVF can be a difficult decision for many, there are lots of clinics both in the UK and abroad but it can be very hard to work out which is best for you.

The website eggdonationfriends.com sets about supporting patients who are looking for IVF/egg donation abroad. They have a lot of unique tools, webinars, reports, clinic profiles and lots of blog posts on IVF/egg donation including success rates etc.

The site is more medical knowledge oriented than an emotional support blog – let’s face it, once you have comes to terms with needing IVF/egg donation you want more hard facts than anything else. They try to publish all the facts and information that clinics like to miss out on or try to hide away.

One of their ongoing projects are – #IVFWebinars – these are organised live webinars for patients run by IVF specialists from all around the world. They have already held 30 live webinars so far and plan to host around 60 in 2019. These are free for patients and they also make a transcript from the Q&A’s section and publish it within a recorded webinar.

You can find out more about the webinars on the website, I particularly found the one entitled recurrent & spontaneous miscarriages – are donor eggs a cure? rather interesting due to my personal experience of this topic.

With egg donation in mind, I would love you to head over to the wonderful blog written by a friend of mine Victoria – She successfully had egg donation aboard and her son celebrated his 1st birthday not long ago, completing her wonderful family. You can read about her egg donation experience here.

**Collaborative post**

 

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