Miscarriage :(

This is something I have briefly mentioned in a post called 10 things you didn’t know about me, it is something I am very open about and quite happy to talk about – to friends, family and even strangers! I believe that Miscarriage should NOT be a Taboo subject.
So here is my story:

Miscarriage 1:  (2005) – I wasn’t trying for a baby, Paul and I were living together and were engaged however we were both very busy working hard to pay for our wedding in 2007.  I started bleeding one evening mid-cycle (my periods have often been all over the shop and I was on the pill so thought nothing of it) however this wasn’t normal bleeding, this was something different and during the course of the evening became unbearable – so much so that by the following morning I took myself to a & e (something I have never done before). A pregnancy test was done – Positive.  I had no idea. While they were trying to book me in for an early scan at the EPU (Early pregnancy unit) I had a very heavy bleed and was told that it really wasn’t looking good.  I had bloods done over the course of a few days and my HGC levels fell – I didn’t end up having that scan as a few days later the home pregnancy test said Negative.

Miscarriage 2: Paul and I had gotten Married by this point, I came off the pill and we started trying for a baby.  We had put the 1st miscarriage behind us so to speak and were moving on.  Not long after coming off the pill I was pregnant.  We were excited and told a few people as you do – only to days later at 6 weeks pregnant start bleeding again.  We went to the doctors and were told to wait and see! I was devastated when a few days later the pregnancy test once again said negative.

Miscarriage 3: This one was entirely different – sickness kicked in straight away when I fell pregnant once again for the 3rd time, we had an early scan at 5ish weeks and saw a sac and the beginnings of a fetal pole and was scanned again at 7 weeks as my previous mc’s had been around 6 weeks, we were delighted when at 7 weeks we saw a heartbeat and told our chances of miscarriage had greatly reduced – over joyed we told everyone.  We were so excited.  When our 12 week scan came around everyone knew it was happening – then dread started to kick in for some reason, panic and fear.  All to be proved right, I was actually still pregnant but had suffered a Missed Miscarriage – my perfect baby stopped growing at 9.5weeks, it’s little heart had stopped but but body still thought I was pregnant so had clung to this much wanted baby.  I still had pregnacy symptoms – sore boobs, tiredness and sickness, life was just too cruel. I was made to wait in a room with pregnant women while I waited to see a consultant – I cried non-stop for around 3 hours, then had to wait upstairs to have bloods taken in floods of tears with pregnant women all around me, no side room to disappear into or a hole to swallow me up. A few days later I was booked in for an ERPC (evacuation of retained products of conception) done und a general anesthetic.

I was then refered to a recurrent miscarrige specialist at my local hospital, who was fantastic, caring and so supportive but also limited in what he could do.  I had numerous blood test, then some more and even more after that, many internal scans, then Paul had blood test as well. All tests came back normal with nothing else they could do – he did refer me to St. Mary’s in Paddington – the biggest and best hospital for recurrent miscarriage, however I once again fell pregnant and they will not see you when pregnant, so he cared for me during the whole of my pregnancy with Emmy.  4th time lucky with fantastic care, fortnightly scans and 75mg asprin daily until 38 weeks.

Why am I telling you all this?  Simply because Miscarriage care needs to be improved – my experience wasn’t too bad compared to many other stories I have heard but something must be done.  It’s not a Taboo issue – it happens every single day.

I would love you to help.  Please read Mumsnet campaign for better miscarriage care and here is how you can help:

  • Email your MP to ask him or her to sign the Early Day Motion
  • Email Andrew Lansley, secretary of state for health, to let him know that you want the government to act on miscarriage care
  • Email your local paper – challenge your local hospitals and trusts to get involved
  • Contact the maternity services liaison committee of your NHS Primary Care Trust
  • Share this on your Facebook page, if you have one, and tweet about our campaign with hashtag #miscarriagecare

To make all of this as painless as possible here are some resources – widgets, draft letters to help you.

18 thoughts on “Miscarriage :(

  1. Pingback: How to support someone who has lost a baby - Carers Club exclusively for everyone who cares
  2. Thank you all for sharing and your lovely comments, as you see you are not alone, and we are all here for each other.

    Group hug to all – your all brave for sharing and together we can begin to help others. X

  3. Gosh I'm so sorry for what you have been through, it's terribly hard. We lost a baby, our first, our honeymoon baby. It was such a sad, scary time and I know I'll never forget it.
    Well done for speaking out xx

  4. My first pregnancy unfortunately came to an end when we visited the hospital for our first scan and were told that I had a blighted ovum (i.e. the baby had not formed properly) but like you I had still had all of the systems such as morning sickness, etc as the sac had continued to grow. We were devastated but to make matters worse, as with yourself, we were sent to the maternity ward (full of happy mummies with lovely new babies) to see the dr. I will never forget how awful that felt. Luckilly we went on to have two beautiful children like fortunately most people who have miscarriages too but I will always be slightly scarred from that day at the hospital. I think it is great raising awareness for something so close to peoples hearts.

  5. Thanks you for sharing such a difficult time in your life. I do agree that things have to change in the way that woman are treated.

    I've never experienced a miscarriage but I have friends who have and it's devastating, especially the way they were told that their baby had died.

  6. Really touching and honestly written, I recently saw statistics on how common miscarrage can be, especially in the early days, some of these I found are not even 'counted' in many cases but still involve emotional distress to all concerned. Thank you for sharing this.

  7. Wow. What a journey you have been on. I can't begin to feel or think what you must have gone through on the third time – missed miscarriage – it just sounds like a cruel twist of nature. Thank you for raising awareness with your post.

  8. I agree, I found the miscarriage support group on Babycentre amazing – its what kept me going!

    I still regularly meet up and chat with the girls I met over 3 yrs ago.

  9. I commented somewhere else that I think the education needs to be with women rather than medics. They see so many of us, and it really is so common, that they can only really be expected to deal with the technicalities (although mixed wards is sheer stupidity!). Once you talk, and realise how many people you know have been through it, it is a whole lot easier to come to terms with, but no-one talks about it! I do think though that more understanding of underlying causes could ease the process though. I went through all manner of unnecessary treatment before I was finally referred to St Marys, who were brilliant. Totally unsympathetic, just scientific, which at the end of the day is what is needed from them! Women need to talk more!

  10. I commented somewhere else that the increase in awareness needs to start with education of women. It is pretty normal to miscarry, and if people were more open about it we would all have felt more supported. However recurrent miscarriage is not normal, and I went through so much unnecessary treatment before I finally was referred to St Mary's, where they were brilliant. Not comassionate at all, and therefore still distressing, but boy do they know what they are talking about! I do think that because it happens comparatively often, medics do not deal with it emotionally – to them we are just another case. They are there to help with the technicalities, emotional support comes from those around us, if they are willing to share!

  11. Thanks for helping to raise awareness about this.

    It is tragic that it happens so often, but there is a lot we can do to make it more bearable for women who suffer a miscarriage.

  12. Claire, thanks for blogging about this.

    We have been unfortunate in the past to have experienced miscarriage. I can't agree more that there simply isn't enough support for parents who go through this experience.

    Hopefully readers will take the actions you have mentioned above and we can all work to change this.

    All the best

    Neil

  13. This is not something I have experience personally but a close friend has and felt very let down by the system and that many of her questions were unanswered but this can only change by raising the issue – thank you for doing just that x

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