Top Tips for Supporting a Friend With a Brand New Baby

**Collaborative post**

When a friend has a baby, most people want to help. The trouble is, it’s not always obvious how, and in the rush of excitement it’s easy to get it a bit wrong. Anyone who’s been an exhausted new parent on the sofa, or the friend hovering on the doorstep with a casserole, will know there’s an art to it.

The first thing to say is that nothing big is needed. Some of the most helpful gestures new parents receive are tiny. A message that doesn’t need a reply. A bag of snacks left on the step. A bunch of next day delivery flowers that turns up the morning after the baby arrives, when the house is in chaos and nobody’s brushed their hair in two days, and somehow makes everything feel a bit more like a celebration. It’s not the gift itself so much as knowing someone thought of them straight away.

Here are some top tips for being the friend every new parent wishes they had.

Ask before visiting

It’s so tempting to rush round and meet the new arrival, but those first days can be overwhelming. Feeding is still being figured out, sleep has gone out of the window and visitors can feel like pressure, even lovely ones. Always ask before popping round, and make it really easy for them to say “not yet”. Something like “No pressure at all, just say if and when you fancy a visitor” takes all the awkwardness out of it.

Keep visits short

When a visit does happen, aim for half an hour or so unless they ask for longer. New parents often feel they have to play host, even when they’re running on empty. A short, sweet visit that leaves them wanting more is far kinder than an afternoon that leaves them shattered.

Don’t arrive empty-handed (but skip the baby clothes)

Babies get given a mountain of outfits, many of which they’ll outgrow before they’re ever worn. What parents really need in those early weeks is practical help. A home-cooked meal to heat up, a bag of easy snacks that can be eaten one-handed during a night feed, a big bottle of water or a box of decent biscuits all go down a treat.

Anyone set on buying something for the baby should think ahead. Clothes in the six to twelve month size are often far more useful than newborn ones.

Remember the parent, not just the baby

Everyone coos over the baby, which is lovely, but the person who’s just given birth or been up all night is often forgotten. A little something just for them makes a huge difference: a nice hand cream, a magazine, some fancy chocolate, or simply asking “How are YOU doing?” and actually listening to the answer.

That goes for partners too. They’re often running on very little sleep and doing their best to hold everything together.

Do something useful while there

This is the number one tip. During a visit, look around for a job to do without being asked. Put the kettle on and make the drinks. Load the dishwasher. Fold a pile of washing. Take the bins out on the way back to the car. Offer to hold the baby so they can have a shower or eat a meal with both hands.

Most new parents will never ask for help, even when they desperately need it. The best friends just quietly get on with it.

Look after older siblings

If there are older children in the family, they can easily feel pushed out when a new baby arrives. A small gift just for them, some one-on-one attention, or an offer to take them to the park for an hour can mean the world to the whole family. It gives the older sibling a bit of fun and gives the parents a rare moment of calm.

Keep checking in

The flurry of messages and visits usually dies down after a couple of weeks, but that’s often when the tiredness really kicks in and new parents can start to feel lonely. A reminder to check in a month or so later, and then again after that, is a brilliant idea. A simple “Thinking of you, how’s it all going?” can be a real lifeline.

Watch for signs they’re struggling

It’s normal for new parents to feel tired, tearful and overwhelmed for the first couple of weeks. If those feelings carry on, or a friend seems very low, anxious or not quite themselves, gently encourage them to speak to their health visitor or GP. Nobody needs to have all the answers, just to be there and help them find support.

Don’t take it personally

Finally, if a friend goes quiet for a while, cancels plans or forgets to reply to messages, try not to take it to heart. Life with a newborn is all-consuming. They’ll come back up for air eventually, and they’ll remember who was there when they needed it most.

Being a good friend to a new parent isn’t about grand gestures. It’s about turning up, being thoughtful and making their life a tiny bit easier. That’s something everyone can do.