I began this summer with one aim in mind, cheering up my children the best I could, taking their lead and dedicating my time to them.
On the last week of school, they lost their Nanny and had no idea how to deal with the emotions which come hand in hand with grief.
It was new to them and to us and while we were helping ourselves cope with this loss we also needed to help them. As their mum it’s my job to protect them from hurt and sadness but this time I couldn’t. I also needed them to know it was OK to be sad, and angry too.
We set out on our summer adventures with no set plans, I wanted to be able to take the children’s lead and see how each day panned out.
There was no flying off on holiday for us but lots of days outs instead.
We’ve obviously had days when we’ve just stayed in our pj’s all day, watched movies and had sofa dinners as we all needed those days to unwind, relax and just not be busy. It did us all the world of good.
We’ve also had days where we’ve been on the go constantly from the moment we awoke to way past bedtimes, heading off into London, going to the Sealife Centre and the London Eye.
There have been theme parks, parties and play dates.
Soft play, library’s and parks.
Swimming, bike riding and climbing trees.
We even fitted in a last minute camping trip last weekend.
I’ve put work on hold nearly all summer, my out of office has been on a lot. My emails are over flowing and do you know what? I don’t feel the slightest bit guilty about that.
My children needed me this summer, more than they ever really have done before….it was a different type of need. One I wouldn’t say…Just a minute while Mummy finishes this work.
Life lessons have been learnt by us all this holiday, the children have their Mummy back, the fun one who doesn’t say No, or maybe later. There has been a lot more yes and right now happening and it’s very good for us all.
Now school is back for both and routines need to be withheld a little more, but weekends are our fun family times and normality…..? Well that’s not for us, what is that anyway?
We are still taking baby steps, one day at a time – we have bad days still and better days, and even days where we all laugh and smile – it’s ok though – we will help each other.
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Clare
Hi, I'm Clare (Emmy's Mummy). A former Nanny and Mother of 2 - Emmy (born February 2010) and Harry (born October 2012). We are Essex based and share our adventures and misadventures of a busy crazy life.
Comments (16)
Sorry to hear about Nanny. The best thing you can never do is put your kids first. Time with them will quickly go. I'm the same over the Summer. It's our time together and we love it
It sounds like you are approaching this difficult time in the most positive and realistic way that anybody could. Being there for your children at this time is the best possible thing you can do, in my opinion. It sounds like you have done some lovely activities with them this holiday as well as giving them, and you, time to feel the emotions you need to feel. I'm very sorry for your loss.
You were wise to set time aside, for both your own sake and theirs. Grief is a very heavy load to bear and it can only be carried only if the minimum of other activities and responsibilities is taken on. The first summer after Georgie died we hid away from the world and spent it crying and recovering. Nothing more. Hugs.xx
I'm so sorry for your loss. It sounds as though you've all been doing a great job of supporting each other over summer.
Sounds like ypu are being a fab mum. All you can do is be there for them when they need you
Spending time starting to heal together is much more important than work. I hope you are getting the support that you need as well x
This is why I LOVE what I do. I can focus on my family when they need me. Losing a loved one is never easy.
work is never any more imortant than your family and so leave it and spend all the time you can with your little ones they dont stay small for long and work will be there im sure after
We have had loads of days out over the summer, spending quality time with the kids – it is not always about jetting off in search of some sun. Sounds like you have made the right choice for your family xx
Work can wait, spending time with your children is more important and it sounds like you had a lovely summer with days out. Sorry to hear of your loss, just take one day at a time xx
Your slow days at home on the sofa are my favourite kind of days. It sounds like you have given your children exactly the sort of summer they needed. Living in the moment and just being together.
Awww, you'll all get there in the end, just baby steps and one thing at a time like you said. It sounds like you have enojyed summer! xx
I'm sorry to hear of your loss. It's hard helping children through grief, especially when you've got to yourself through it as well. I'm sending you all big cyber hugs xx
Sounds like you are doing all the right things – just take it one day at a time and appreciate the time you have with each other. Lucky you squeezing a camping trip in at the end of the hols. We only made one camping trip this Summer though we did have 10 days in LA and a week in Rhodes so can't complain! x
The key thing is to be there for your children when they need you. Work can wait. I've found it hard enough to keep all the balls in the air this holiday with just one child and not having to deal with a bereavement like you, so hats off to you.
You're absolutely right not to feel guilty. It sounds as if you have done just as you should – those life lessons are beyond value.
Sorry to hear about Nanny. The best thing you can never do is put your kids first. Time with them will quickly go. I'm the same over the Summer. It's our time together and we love it
It sounds like you are approaching this difficult time in the most positive and realistic way that anybody could. Being there for your children at this time is the best possible thing you can do, in my opinion. It sounds like you have done some lovely activities with them this holiday as well as giving them, and you, time to feel the emotions you need to feel. I'm very sorry for your loss.
You were wise to set time aside, for both your own sake and theirs. Grief is a very heavy load to bear and it can only be carried only if the minimum of other activities and responsibilities is taken on. The first summer after Georgie died we hid away from the world and spent it crying and recovering. Nothing more. Hugs.xx
I'm so sorry for your loss. It sounds as though you've all been doing a great job of supporting each other over summer.
Sounds like ypu are being a fab mum. All you can do is be there for them when they need you
Spending time starting to heal together is much more important than work. I hope you are getting the support that you need as well x
This is why I LOVE what I do. I can focus on my family when they need me. Losing a loved one is never easy.
work is never any more imortant than your family and so leave it and spend all the time you can with your little ones they dont stay small for long and work will be there im sure after
We have had loads of days out over the summer, spending quality time with the kids – it is not always about jetting off in search of some sun. Sounds like you have made the right choice for your family xx
Work can wait, spending time with your children is more important and it sounds like you had a lovely summer with days out. Sorry to hear of your loss, just take one day at a time xx
Your slow days at home on the sofa are my favourite kind of days. It sounds like you have given your children exactly the sort of summer they needed. Living in the moment and just being together.
Awww, you'll all get there in the end, just baby steps and one thing at a time like you said.
It sounds like you have enojyed summer! xx
I'm sorry to hear of your loss. It's hard helping children through grief, especially when you've got to yourself through it as well. I'm sending you all big cyber hugs xx
Sounds like you are doing all the right things – just take it one day at a time and appreciate the time you have with each other. Lucky you squeezing a camping trip in at the end of the hols. We only made one camping trip this Summer though we did have 10 days in LA and a week in Rhodes so can't complain! x
The key thing is to be there for your children when they need you. Work can wait. I've found it hard enough to keep all the balls in the air this holiday with just one child and not having to deal with a bereavement like you, so hats off to you.
You're absolutely right not to feel guilty. It sounds as if you have done just as you should – those life lessons are beyond value.