How to be a Good Stepparent in Your Blended Family

**Collaborative post**

Being part of a blended family, especially as the stepparent, can be a tricky road to drive down. Here, you’ll find some great ways to tackle the road of step-parenting…

Falling in love with someone is easy, but what if they are part of a complicated family situation? Perhaps you’re involved in your own family complex too, which makes things a little tricky, for sure. So, how can you make this transition into your blended family as smooth as possible?

As a blended family, you’ll probably be pretty familiar with approaching family law solicitors for advice and other needs. That said, it doesn’t always have to come from a professional. It’s all about setting boundaries and getting to know one another along the way, to see what works best for you.

Here, we’ll be letting you in on the problems you might face, and how best to inaugurate yourself within your new family. So, to discover some tips for being the best stepparent possible, you came to the right place…

What is a Blended Family?

A blended family occurs when two parents split up, and a new parent comes into the picture. They could be alone and simply slip into the family structure as the stepparent. Alternatively, they might bring with them their own children too.

Whatever the case, a blended family usually includes one or more stepparents and stepchildren from one or more of the parents. It can certainly be confusing, emotional, and tricky to navigate. Ultimately, though, having the opportunity to mix in with a family, and become part of a new family unit, is such a lovely gift.

The Challenges of Being a Stepparent

As a stepparent, you’ll no doubt be faced with many challenges along the way. After all, the situation will be tense, and very new for everyone involved, so it’s important to remember that you may be faced with:

• Having to deal with blended family conflict with exes;
• Having to implement yourself within a family that has grown up together, so the bond is already there;
• Feeling left out from jokes, activities, and everything else in between;
• You might be rejected by your stepchildren, or they may just be a little uncomfortable around you to begin with;
• It’s likely that you’ll be faced with negative reactions and criticism;
• You may find it tricky to relate to the kids, especially if you have your own whom you can relate to better;
• You’ll have to adjust to your partner’s way of parenting and running a family, which may be different to your own;
• And you’ll feel a lot of pressure to fulfil a certain role, whether that be a carer, a friend, or an authoritative figure.

10 Ways to be a Good Step-Parent in Your Blended Family

As a stepparent, getting the boundaries right can be tough. If you’re constantly trying to make this new family a replica of your old one, this can lead to confusion and disappointment. So, embracing everything that this new family has to offer is essential, and some great ways to do this include…

Talk to Your Other Half

First and foremost, talking to your other half about everything is extremely important. This should include a discussion about the children, and how they’re feeling. It should also include getting to know some of the kids’ likes and dislikes, so you can get off on the right foot.

This talk should also include where you stand in the family, and what the situation is like with their ex. Ultimately, communication is the best way for everyone to remain on the same page, so keeping up these avenues throughout the relationship will help.

Get to Know Your Stepchild

Once you know the basics about your new stepchildren, with the help of your partner, why not start to get to know them yourself? This doesn’t have to be an interrogation, but just treat them like a friend. The earlier you start to do this, the more likely they’ll be to trust you, as you’re showing an interest in them from the get-go.

Be Civil with Other Parents

One of the most important ways to demonstrate that you’re a friend, not a foe, is to be civil with the ex-partner. This could include things like inviting them over to see the children and enjoying blended family get-togethers. This also includes not talking down about them in front of the children.

By showing your willingness to involve everyone, you’re proving to the children that you’re not replacing anyone or stepping on anyone’s toes. Instead, you are a brand-new individual within the family, who is willing to support and love them.

Set up Rules

Although it’s really paramount you don’t become a dictator, or the “evil stepparent”, setting up rules is important for implementing boundaries. Talk to your partner and decide what new rules would be best for the house, be it chores, homework, or even limiting swear words.

Whatever it may be, this will not only be a way for you to make your mark on the home. It will also be a way for the family to see you as a figure of authority; someone who acts as a parent too.

Create New Memories and Traditions

As we’ve mentioned, you really can’t go into this expecting your usual family dynamic to ensue. This is a completely new family to become part of, and it certainly won’t fit into anything you’re used to.

With this mindset, it’s important to inaugurate yourself into the picture as much as possible, despite these differences. To do this, focusing on making new memories and traditions with this family could help. This way, you’re making your place within the mix known, whilst also getting to know everyone better along the way.

Be Understanding

As we’ve seen, the children in your new family will most likely have a lot of reservations and hang-ups about you and their new situation. Because of this, it’s really important that you try not to take these issues to heart. In most cases, it’s not you, but the situation that is causing the kids to act up.

The important thing to remember is to be compassionate about the situation. Remember what these kids are going through, and be there for them as much as they’ll allow. They’ll come around eventually.

Don’t Try and Take the Other Parent’s Place

Depending on the age of the children, it’s likely that they’ll already have a strong bond with their parent. In most cases, they might simply be waiting for their parents to get back together; it’s really the ultimate goal of any child.

Because of this, you can’t compete with the other parent, as you’ll never replace them. Instead, you must make your own mark on the children to find your place, and ensure they see you as the individual you are; their stepparent who will do anything for them.

Be a Friend

So, if you’re not going to replace a parent, then how can you ever become a parental figure in their lives? Well, the good thing about being a stepparent is, yes you’re a parental figure, but you can also step over to the friend mark too.

These kids may still have two parents, so you’re a third or fourth party in the mix, making you someone that they may not see as a parent. Being a confidant – someone the kids want to talk to for their troubles – is the ultimate goal of any stepparent. Working towards this, through being there for them as best you can, will help you to forge a bond with them that they may not have with their parents.

Appreciate the Small Steps

Considering the number of obstacles you, as a stepparent, will likely face, it’s unlikely that you’ll make leaps and bounds of progress at the start. So, to ensure you remain positive and excited about the journey ahead, remember to recognise the small steps. After all, the more small steps you make, the better chance you’ll have of forging a real bond with this new extended family.

Don’t Rush

Ultimately, the best thing to do is to just be patient. Expecting the family bond to bring you together the minute you step through the door is completely unrealistic. So, be sure to give it time, and slowly but surely, you’re bound to make progress.

What’s more, it’s important to know that love for your stepchildren won’t come instantly. Yes, you love your partner, but that doesn’t mean that you’ll love your new stepchildren immediately; this can take time. The best you can do as act in a loving and kind way and any feelings that come after this will be natural.

Ready for Your Stepparent Responsibilities?

Here, we’ve discussed the struggles of a blended family, for both the children and the stepparents. I’ve also provided 10 pieces of advice for helping you to be a great stepparent in your new blended family. I hope you’ve found some of these useful, so you can head into your new family ready for the steps ahead.

Are you a stepparent yourself, and have found that any of these tips have helped you? Or, perhaps you have some more tips to add that might aid any struggling new stepparents out there? Whatever it may be, feel free to leave a comment down below so we can help one another be the best stepparents possible!